i want something just like this
by The Crownless Queen
Summary: It's not easy, falling in love. Or, 5 relationships/crushes Jasmin Potter had, and the one that lead to something. fem!James Potter.


This was written for the Arithmancy Assignment: Write a 'five times and one time he didn't/it wasn't/etc' fic. Here it's kinda 5 people Jasmin could have loved or just liked, and the one person she really fell in love with. Or 5 relationships that didn't last and the one that would.

Warning for mentions of rape, underage drinking, underage sex.

Title and lyrics are from 'Something Just Like This' by The Chainsmokers.

 _Word count:_ 3550

 **i want something just like this**

" _I'm not looking for somebody  
With some superhuman gifts  
Some superhero  
Some fairytale bliss  
Just something I can turn to  
Somebody I can kiss"_

 **.i.**

The first time Jasmin Potter falls in something like love goes like this:

There is a little girl in Jasmin's garden. She has skin the color of her father's coffee, and eyes like chocolate, and she says she is looking for fairies.

"But fairies don't live in gardens," Jasmin protests. "They live in trees, duh." She may not know much about magical creatures—so many of them are dangerous, according to her parents, so she should be cautious—but she's read some of her father's edition of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ when he wasn't looking, so she knows that much.

The girl turns around, sticks a hand out and says, "I'm Fey."

"Jasmin," Jasmin replies, slightly bewildered. Fey rolls her eyes and grabs Jasmin's hand. "You're supposed to shake it," she says. "Here, like this," she adds, and proceeds to demonstrate by shaking their linked hands in a vigorous move that threatens to take Jasmin's hand off.

Still, Jasmin can't help but smile.

"Let's go look for fairies, now," Fey announces. "I'm new here, but I bet you know all the places—I mean trees—they live in."

"I… do?"

"Great!" Fey smiles, and it looks like dawn breaking after a long night.

Well, it's not like Jasmin has anything better to do. She might as well have some fun.

It becomes clear quickly enough that Fey has no idea that magic is real, though she has enough belief in the supernatural to outshine most wizards or witches Jasmin knows.

They spend the summer running around Godric's Hollow, chasing dragons, fairies and dark magicians, playing at being nights or good witches—"Aurors," Jasmin tries to correct, but Fey likes saying 'good witches' too much to give it up so it never sticks—while the whole village watches them fondly.

But all good things come to an end, and this summer is no exception.

("We could run away together," Fey proposes the night she sneaks into Jasmin's house. She has her pink and purple backpack with her, the one that carries all the treasures they found this summer, and Jasmin doesn't think she's ever seen someone look so desperate and so determined all at once.

She blinks the sleep away and laces their fingers together, marveling a little at once soft Fey's skin is. "Where would we go?"

Fey deflates. "Anywhere we want," she tries, but they both know it would never work.

In the end, Fey falls asleep snuggled next to Jasmin, and when their parents find them they barely have the heart to scold them.)

Fey leaves, goes back to her country with her parents once her holiday ends, and it breaks both their hearts.

She kisses Jasmin before she leaves, kisses her right at the corner of her lips, and for days—weeks, even—afterward, until the summer fades into golden memory, Jasmin thinks _'what if, what if'_.

 **.ii.**

Jasmin gets her first crush at the same time as approximately ninety-nine percent of girls in her years. His name is Jeremiah Boreve, and he is their Defense teacher.

There are rumors, of course. Even Jasmin, a first year fresh off the Hogwarts Express, has heard rumors of the curse on the Defense position. But those rumors have never been formally proved, and even if they were, well, that'd only make Professor Boreve appear more valiant, wouldn't it?

He is a good teacher: eloquent and charming, drawing in even the most reticent of students. He always seems to know the right word, and when he looks at you, he has this way of making you feel like you're the only person in the world, like you matter.

Jasmin likes it when he looks at her. His dark eyes always seem to gleam with what she can only identify as pride, and it makes her feel good about herself, makes her stand with her back straight and a smile on her lips.

(some nights, they chat about it—about him—with the girls in her dorms, and Jasmin always ends up giggling and blushing with the other girls, content to know that in this, at least, they accept her and don't find her too 'boyish', with her passion for Quidditch and pranks over make-up and dresses)

She can't exactly pinpoint a time when things change, when the warm looks Professor Boreve sends her way turn heated and makes her stomach turn, just a little, instead of the fluttering feelings she'd grown used to.

She can't tell when some of the whispers in the corridors turned fearful and hushed, like there truly was a dark secret there, when girls barely older than her started coming to breakfast with eyes red from crying—when girls started to glare at the man they once admired so much with fear and hatred instead of love.

Not all of them did it, of course, but enough that Jasmin noticed—that most girls noticed. The boys were oblivious, of course. As much as Jasmin loved her friends, this kind of matter always seemed to go above them. Why, neither Sirius, Remus nor Peter had even known that half the students in Hogwarts had a crush on their Defense teacher until Jasmin had pointed it out to them.

She knows exactly when she understands what's happening though.

It's a Friday, and Professor Boreve asks her to stay after class. He looks as handsome as ever, and his eyes are warm and kind, so Jasmin only nods at her friends with a smile, says she'll see them at lunch, and she stays behind.

Even then though, something doesn't feel quite right to her—she doesn't think shell ever know what gave it away, what revealed the monster behind the man, but what happened is this:

Professor Boreve says something—Merlin, Jasmin doesn't even remember what, it could have been anything—and he walks to her until they're standing so close Jasmin can feel the heat of his body.

He touches her arm, a soft caress that makes her shiver, and thankfully she will never know what might have happened next because there's a knock on the door as a third-year boy asks to be let in.

Professor Boreve's eyes flash dangerously and his fingers tighten on Jasmin's arm so much that they leave a mark, and he apologizes, of course he does, but he lets her leave afterward, and she spends the rest of the day in a daze, feeling like she _escaped_ something terrible.

(oh, if only she knew)

The bruises fade, eventually, but her heart never stops racing in fear whenever they have to go to class. She never lets herself be alone with him ever again, and when the school year ends, he vanishes.

No one knows why for sure, but rumors say that the Aurors came for him, and that Dumbledore was furious. Counselling sessions are organized in the Hospital Wing, but Jasmin never goes.

Why should she? Nothing happened to her after all.

(or so she tells herself—mostly, she doesn't want to consider the alternative)

 **.iii.**

A new year starts, and Jasmin learns to put the memories behind her.

And through all this, there is Sirius, who knows even without actually _knowing_ that something happened to her.

Sirius, who is perhaps the best friend she'll ever have and a step sideway from being the brother she never knew she wanted.

Sirius, who holds her like she's precious but never like she's fragile, who sometimes knows her better than she knows her own mind.

They kiss sometime in February, and by then it seems like something inevitable, almost like fate.

There's a party, you see, to celebrate their latest victory in Quidditch. Jasmin's on the team now, a fact that amazes her at least as much as it makes her despair—who know Quidditch required so many push-ups and sit-ups?—and she's drunk on happiness, pride and the glass of spiked _something_ someone handed to her earlier.

Sirius is just like her, and her words blur as she tries to tell him how she feels—how grateful she is that he stays by her side, that he chose her as family over everyone else, even if his actual blood family is, as he says, 'full of dicks who wouldn't recognize fun if it cursed them'.

Somewhere close, Remus is laughing at them—or maybe he's laughing at Peter's attempts to pick up the Gryffindor's Seeker, who knows?

Someone walks into her and she half-collapses against Sirius' chest. It rumbles when he laughs, and he's so warm, and somehow the world seems to slow as she looks up into his eyes.

The kiss is warm and soft, and so, so gentle, a lazy and almost tired kind of exploration of the other's mouth.

She wakes up in the boys' room the next morning, muscles sore and with a pounding headache. Sirius doesn't look any better, and Jasmin laughs, ignoring the way the sound drills into her head.

It's not the first time she's slept over here—as Marauders, sometimes their plotting sessions run so late into the night it doesn't make much sense for her to leave and potentially wake every girl in her dorm—so the Gryffindors have mostly learned not to bat an eye at Jasmin leaving the boys' dorm.

Her laughter subsides quickly, and then they just look at each other for what feels like forever before Jasmin finally snorts.

"Yeah, no," she says.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Sirius says, nearly collapsing in relief. "No offense, Jas', I love you and you're awesome, and I thought _maybe_ , but, yeah, no."

Jasmin snorts again. "Same to you, _Siri_ ," she replies, delighting in the way he winces at the nickname he hates. "You're probably a better friend than boyfriend anyway—and I do consider you as a brother, and I'm not that into incest," she jokes.

Sirius puts a hand to his chest like she's dealt him a mortal blow. "I would make an amazing boyfriend, thank you very much," he protests. "I would make the _best_ boyfriend, in fact."

He pauses, shakes his head.

"Yeah, no," Jasmin finishes for him dryly, patting him comfortingly on the chest. "But don't worry about it—you can still be the best friend/brother I'll ever have."

"Best friends then?" he asks, face suddenly uncharacteristically solemn.

"Best friends," Jasmin nods back just as solemnly, eyes twinkling merrily. And then Peter, in an effort to shut them up, throws his pillow at them.

The fight that follows is epic, and for all that it is nothing unusual, Jasmin will never forget it. Or at least, not anytime soon.

 **.iv.**

Of all the girls in her dorm, the one Jasmin gets on the best with is probably Marlene McKinnon. She's the only to share Jasmin's passion for Quidditch, and beside her, Evans is the only one not to moon over boys, make-up, clothes and all those things Jasmin doesn't really care about.

But Evans is also absurdly strict and friends with the Slytherin kid Jasmin hates—that the Marauder hate—so it's kind of hard to find common points with that girl, even if her fiery hair and fierier temperament never fails to make Jasmin's heart miss a beat.

There's none of that with Marlene, but there is a different kind of spark. It's what allows them to speak for hours about almost _anything_ , until the other girls in the dorm are ready to curse them for not being asleep yet, what makes them such a great team for assignment or during the mock battles their DA assigns randomly every couple of lessons.

The boys tease her relentlessly about her crush too—"for Merlin's sake, Jasmin, you just told us you loved to hear her _laugh_ , stop trying to deny it"—and though they never fail to make her blush, she also loves that they support this.

(she can't wait until they get their own crushes, because then it will be her turn to tease and she intends to be merciless)

She asks Marlene out at breakfast, on Valentine's Day. It's nothing grand, really—she gives her a rose, and asks, "Will you be my Valentine?", the way dozens of other students are doing all across the Great Hall.

"Oh," Marlene says, her eyes widening impossibly. " _Oh_ ," she repeats, and when she bites her lips, Jasmin already knows what her friend will say.

"I'm flattered, but I'm not… I mean, I'm not interested in girls like that?" She winces as she says it, but Jasmin smiles even through the disappointment she feels. It is much less crushing than she had expected.

"Well, I guess I'd be too much awesome for you to handle anyway," she jokes.

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Sure, let's go with that, Miss Ego."

"Hey!" Jasmin protests, slapping her friend on the arm, but she's laughing. "We're still friends though, right?"

"Of course."

"Great. Great, that's…"

"Great?"

"Oh, shut up." Jasmin blushes. "You know what I mean. But like, does that mean you're fine with going to Hogsmeade with me this week-end? Cause like, Honeydukes is unveiling a new line of chocolates…"

"Ah, chocolate, my one weakness," Marlene states dramatically, eyes sparkling with laughter.

"Yours and Remus' both," Jasmin laughs. "Which, hey, do you think…?"

Marlene laughs. "Jasmin, _no_. Besides, didn't you just ask me out?"

Jasmin sticks out her tongue. "Well, you said you weren't interested… Though if you ever change your mind…"

"I won't, but thanks for the offer," Marlene replies, rolling her eyes again.

Jasmin coughs a little, hiding her flush. "Anyway… Hogsmeade, this weekend?"

Marlene blinks then shrugs. "Sure, why not. It'll be fun."

"Awesome! Mmh, maybe I should invite Remus to join us… Sirius doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, and Pete's in detention, the poor guy, but Remus might enjoy it…"

"As long as you don't try to set us up."

"Me? I would never," Jasmin retorts in mock-hurt.

"Sure," Marlene drawls, clearly not convinced. "If you say so."

Evans chose that moment to join them, dropping on Marlene's other side with a groan as she reaches forward in a gesture Jasmin recognizes as one that means 'there better be something that can wake me up here, or so help me'.

She sends Jasmin a dark look before turning a much nice smile—one that absolutely doesn't make her stomach flutter, no sir—on Marlene. Taking it as a sign that their discussion is over, and since her own breakfast is waiting with the guys, she gets up to leave.

"Well then, this was a pleasure, Marlene. Evans," she adds in what she hopes is a cooler, more dismissive tone.

Evans nods back while Marlene rolls her eyes. "See you in class, Jasmin."

"You bet!" Jasmin throws back with a wink as she leaves.

 **.v.**

She dates Amos Diggory for three weeks in her fifth year. He's handsome, charming and he does wonderful things with his tongue, and he's also more than a little bit in love with her.

She tries to return his feelings—he's so very sweet that it makes Jasmin desperately want to—but no matter how hard she wishes it, it never happens.

One night, she crashes on Sirius' bed with a heavy sigh. "Why can't I just love him?" she complains.

"Hello to you too," he answers with a smile, before wincing as he registers her question. It makes Jasmin laughs—for some reason, Sirius is always deeply uncomfortable when she tries to speak about the guys she's interested in with him, though he rarely has such a problem when it's about a girl.

Case in point, he's handled her whining about Evans for years with nothing more than an occasional eye-roll and pat on the back. If Jasmin didn't know it was about a misplaced sense of protectiveness he felt toward her, she'd have called him out on his hypocrisy months ago.

(well, the day was short—she still could)

"Didn't we agree that you would leave me out of your relationship crisis?" he moans, eyes pleading futilely.

"You agreed, yes," Jasmin says, merciless. "But this is important—Amos' great, and he _loves_ me, and I, well, I-"

"Don't?" Sirius finishes for her, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah," Jasmin replies, deflating a little. "I just don't know why I can't _love him back_. He's a great guy, and-"

"Come on, Jasmin, he's also boring as hell, I don't know what you find in that guy!"

"He does this great thing with his tongue," Jasmin teases, half because she enjoys the faces Sirius pulls when she tells him stuff like this, half so she doesn't have to consider how right his words felt.

"Jasmin! TMI, please," Sirius flails. "I didn't need to know this about Amos Diggory, ugh."

"Well, it's true," she adds mirthfully. "Maybe you should ask him for tips, I'm sure Marlene would love those…"

Sirius blushes. "I'm not going to go ask your boyfriend for _tips_ ," he hisses, horrified. "Besides, I'm sure Marlene has nothing to complain about."

Jasmin just raises an eyebrow pointedly.

"She doesn't, right? You'd tell me if she said something, right? Jasmin, come on, I'm your best friend, you have to tell me those things, please."

She laughs. "Oh, don't give me those eyes, you know they don't work on me," she tells him when he tries the puppy-dog eyes trick. "Anyway, we were talking about Amos, not Marlene."

"But Jasmin," Sirius tries to protest.

She buries her face in Sirius' pillow, ignoring him. "What am I supposed to do? I can't just break his heart!"

Sirius sighs, and Jasmin feels the bed shift as he moves closer to her. "Seems to me like you also can't just keep stringing him along," he says kindly.

"Excuse you, I'm not stringing him along!" She blinks, then pales as the realization hits. "Oh Merlin, I totally am!" she moans into the pillow. "Sirius, I'm the worst person ever, how could you let me do this?"

She can practically hear the eyeroll that follows. "Well, you can fix it now, can't you?"

Jasmin gets up so fast her head spins. "I can," she says determinedly. "Thanks for the talk."

"Let's never have anything like it again though," Sirius replies with a pained smile. "For the sake of my sanity if nothing else."

Jasmin just stares at him. "Since when have you ever been sane?"

"Very funny," Sirius drawls.

Jasmin rolls her eyes. "Fine, I'll consider it," she says. The last thing she hears before leaving the room is Sirius' voice, "This better mean yes."

She doesn't answer. There's someone she needs to see, and she hates herself a little for what she's about to do. But well, she kind of has to.

 **.+i.**

The thing is, though Jasmin might have been in love with Lily Evans for perhaps the majority of her Hogwarts years, she doesn't realize it's more than a crush until they kiss.

It's an accident, honestly. Evans is leaving the Library, a pile of books almost as tall as her in her arms, and Jasmin is rushing the other way around, and not looking at where she's going, and yes, they collide somewhere in the middle.

Their lips meet on the way down, and it's a mockery of a kiss, really, lips slamming and teeth clashing, but after it, when they gather their bearing, Evans is blushing.

Maybe that's what prompts her to ask her out that first time. Or maybe Jasmin can feel the potential here, which is so much bigger than any she's felt before.

Evans says no, of course she does. But it's fine, she didn't say she would never be interested—Jasmin can try again.

"I'm in love with Evans," she tells Sirius that night, crashing on his bed.

"Well duh," her friend replies before palling drastically. "Wait, no, Jasmin, we've talked about this, _I don't want to know_."

"I'm going to _woo_ her," Jasmin continues, ignoring how Sirius is now moaning in despair.

"But she _hates_ you," he states.

Jasmin blinks, then waves her hand. "Minor setback, I can deal with that."

"Sure you can…"

"You'll see," Jasmin replies confidently. "I have a plan."

Granted, it's not a very good plan, but it's still a plan. But well, wearing people down with her charm and awesomeness is kind of her thing—it worked with everyone else, surely it'll work here too.

(or well, she hopes)

It does, in the end—or at least that's Jasmin's story, and she sticking to it.

Lily says it's more like Jasmin grew up and finally became something other than a jerk, that she finally matured.

(neither of these are true)

(both of these are true)

(but also: Jasmin finds Lily crying in the kitchens, because her best-friend is still her ex-best-friend and though Jasmin always hated him, Lily hadn't, and she can't imagine what that kind of betrayal must feel like)

(they don't get drunk but the House Elves give them hot chocolate and ice cream and they spend a whole night talking, and when they leave—when the sun comes up—Lily smiles, wipes her tears and says thanks)

(she looks beautiful, and Jasmin's heart misses a beat)

(the next time she asks, Lily says yes)


End file.
